When The Parents You've Chosen To Adopt Your Baby May Not Be Right For You

Birthparent chatting with adoptive parents

While most prospective adoptive parents are genuine and sincere, there are a few “bad eggs” out there. Below are some warning signs of prospective adoptive parents who may not be completely ethical, honest, and may not fulfill the promises and commitments they are making to you. If you begin to see any of these warning signs or feel uneasy about the couple you have chosen, let your agency or attorney know your concerns immediately. Do not move forward if you begin to have major doubts about the family’s sincerity, commitment, and ability to follow through. You are entitled to choose another family or even choose to parent should you decide at any point before signing relinquishment papers that the adoptive family you have chosen is no longer the right adoptive family for you and your baby.

  • They don’t have a completed home study and are not in the process of completing one. You cannot legally adopt a child without a completed home study.
  • They are not working with an adoption agency, adoption attorney, or some other type of adoption professional. You cannot legally complete an adoption without going through the proper legal channels for your state.
  • They offer or give money directly to you. In some states, prospective adoptive parents can legally assist you with some medical expenses and living expenses. However, any exchange of money for medical expenses or living expenses allowed by your state must go through an adoption agency, attorney, or other adoption professional.
  • They want to fast track the adoption and avoid going through the legal proper channels.
  • Their thoughts on the amount of openness they want in an open adoption seem to change.
  • They are totally against having a post adoption contact agreement.
  • They have an adopted child whose adoption was opened but is now closed. While sometimes things happen like a birthmom loses touch with the adoptive family or something and maintaining contact is difficult thus practically closing the adoption, it is definitely something to inquire about and find out why.
  • They seem desperate or will say or do anything to adopt a baby.
  • They do not want you to notify the birth father or other family members of your pregnancy and adoption plans.
  • They buy or offer you very expensive gifts.
  • They do not respect your boundaries or privacy.
  • They are disrespectful towards you and/or your family.
  • They make demands of you and are overly pushy.